Why is it that I’m tired of dating? Well for starters people are not forthcoming about who they truly are. My opinion through my own biases says that most people don’t truly know what they want. They have a clear idea of what they don’t want. Given the current environment of ease and accessibility of choices, people are used to instant gratification rather than working towards something good or great.
When we make a bucket list of characteristics that we want in another, we need to keep in mind that for every positive trait there is an equal and polarizing opposite as well. Let’s say you want someone who is generous with their money, you will then have to accept that this person may not be very good at saving for long term goals (unless they are extremely rich). If you are looking for someone who is patient, then you may have to accept that these people cannot be rushed to do something quickly.
As you can see making a wish list of desired traits from another person can present unexpected challenges that you did not anticipate. From that perspective you now have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept the good with the bad. Unfortunately our society is being groomed to not settle and expect nothing but the best or move on.
For those of you who are building this idealized version of your mate, I would like to remind you that you will only receive what you are able to give. Take a look at your list of must haves that you want in a partner. Do you match those traits? Do you have them in yourself as well? If you do not, then it is time to work on yourself first and ensure that you espouse the traits you are looking for in another. Such as if you want a partner who is loving and affectionate, well are you being loving and affectionate? You want someone who is successful, are you yourself someone who is successful? Are you in a place where you have achieved or in the midst of achieving success?
At the end of the day, we all carry within ourselves an insecurity of some sort. Then again some have more insecurities than others however we all mask them in the beginning. The people who are open minded tend to have less insecurities because they acknowledge their own flaws and know that others have theirs as well. Therefore, if you love yourself enough you will try to find a partner who is like yourself. The same can be said for the toxic relationships that we bring into our lives.
Those toxic relationships are meant to open up your eyes to something we have to change within ourselves. If you don’t learn the lesson the first time, then you will definitely continue repeating the same type of relationship issues until you change something within yourself.
Not everyone you meet will check off all the boxes on your list. However, if you work on yourself and acknowledge how you show up in the relationship, then chances are you will attract someone different. Should you want a different outcome then you must make changes within yourself to have a person closer to the boxed version of what you are looking for. With that you must be willing to face the fear of the unknown because this dynamic will differ from your usual person that you attract. If you don’t work on your insecurities, then the relationship may not work out the way you anticipate because you don’t know what to expect.
Joanne Robinson
