During my darkest hours I made a conscious decision to get up out of bed every day, take a shower and get dressed. To move reminded me that I had to choose to live rather than exist.
I would make my bed so that I wouldn’t be tempted to crawl back in. Then I would look up on the internet the different kinds of meditation. I chose to meditate because I’ve always lived in energetic chaos, and I needed to feel more grounded, and I was willing to try anything short of medication to help me feel uplifted.
In my quest to feel balanced I dove into meditation. I started with a ten-minute guided meditation. As a thinker who does not know how to stop the hamster from constantly running in the wheel and someone who suffered from insomnia as well I really needed to try something. So, to take my mind off what was happening or the constant thoughts that would interrupt my meditation was challenging at the beginning however it turned out to be the best thing that I started for myself.
I searched on the internet for a short session to test the waters. I plugged in my headphones and closed my eyes and dove into what I was doing. I lost myself in the moment. I turned off my mind and anyone that knows me knows that this is a big challenge for me. When I actually let it go and immersed myself in the experience, I actually cried for no reason during the ten-minute session. Then I thought I was crazy for losing control of my emotions when I am such an emotionally reserved individual. It concerned me so I had to look up online if that is a normal reaction.
Well as we all know, if you look online for validation of anything you are uncertain about you will always find others who have experienced the same. In some ways we are unique however sometimes we have shared experiences. This then provides you with the validation of your thoughts. People shouldn’t have to search for external validations however that is how we are programed from youth.
We are never alone, there are many like-minded individuals who are experiencing similar events as yourself. Things will get better, just as the night moon turns into the morning sun; nothing is constant.
Start your day by giving to yourself without justifying why you can’t spend time on yourself because you always have a choice to give to yourself or not so choose wisely and invest in yourself.
