This past year has been a challenging one to say the least. As I reflect on my past and the choices that I have made and the scenarios that have played out in my life, I feel blessed to have experienced these challenges as it has helped me to know myself better.
To face the finality of your way of being, having to reidentify yourself and how you will move forward in life is very daunting. What I have learned through this is that I have a tendency of trying to run away from facing my challenges. Even though I make the tough choices and follow through with them, I also try to avoid dealing with the emotions that come with these challenges. Because in order to really grow, you have to feel through your challenges and learn the lesson so that you do not repeat it again. No one really wants to acknowledge their shortcomings because if you do, you realize that you now have a choice to make, keep doing the same thing or learn your lesson.
Being real with oneself and reflecting on your choices and how you process things is not an easy task to do and I am a firm believer in advocating anyone to get assistance in this area if they are not able to do it on their own. It is not easy to face your own demons and acknowledge that you are not perfect. To also realize that the people around you are not perfect as well therefore they cannot fill the gap of what is missing in your life is a tough lesson to learn but a rewarding one at the same time.
My biggest fear is vulnerability. Given my past, I have chosen to protect myself from ever being vulnerable to someone else because I have learned that throughout my journey, I have had to do it alone and that from a young age, I did not have someone to protect me in the way a child needed to be protected. I had made the conscious decision to do it alone and that I could navigate this world and keep myself safe. With this choice I did keep myself safe from being hurt or abandoned however I missed out on what I think could have been real fulfilling love. I was not able to give it as I thought that I was because I was limiting myself. As a result of this realization, I know that I have hurt people along my path and I truly wish that I had not done so however I guess this is the lesson that I had to learn. Moving forward I will keep this in the forefront of my mind and be cognizant of how I show up in the world.
Joanne Robinson
